This just in. There has been a recent outbreak of excessive, panicky newbreaks regarding the dreaded Swine Flu! If you are concerned you may be afflicted by this, watch for the following symptoms:
1) An increase in sales of newspapers, and in ratings for Cable Television News channels.
2) A sudden drop in coverage of Lindsay Lohan.
3) Everywhere you look, news updates on the dreaded new sickness! 1976 new!
Suggested treatment:
First, turn off your television and stop checking back at your favorite internet news feed for at least a few days. Second, remember the avian flu and every other chic 'threat' of the past couple decades. Third, arm yourself with the facts. For example: More people die from tuberculosis annually. Why isn't it making the news cycles? Also, the last time the government took action to combat the dread Swine Flu, more people died from the innoculations than from the illness itself!
Remember, the fear of swine flu is a symptom. The real disease is the news media and their bottom line.
This has been a public service announcement.
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